Men things

[Buster]

THESE ARE OUR BASIC RULES..Listed according to priority..


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also something edible. Web have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
It's what we do.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothings wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[Show-me]

Sent that one to my wife. Hope she get over it by the time I get home.

[nnuut]

Only one thing I can say Buster; EXACTLY!!!:)

[Rod]

Only one thing I can say Buster; EXACTLY!!!:)

But I could care less about sports... really.

That's why my Wife says I'm, "1 in 2,000,000,000".;)

[nnuut]

But I could care less about sports... really.

That's why my Wife says I'm, "1 in 2,000,000,000".;)
I gave up on watching sports about 28 years ago!:o Just watch some of the playoffs. I did see most of the Olympics though!:)
2 in 2,000,000,000

[Rod]

2 in 2,000,000,000

As my Wife says, we're a rare breed.:D

[XL-entLady]

Thanks for the grin, Buster!

My husband says that shopping is another big gender difference. He says shopping goes back to our hunter/gatherer past. Women want to pick a blouse by looking at every shrub on the whole hillside to make sure she is getting the very best one. Men want to kill the first shirt they see and drag it back to the cave. :laugh:

Lady

[Show-me]

3 in 2,000,000,000 no sports except my sons.

[Guest2]

3 in 2,000,000,000 no sports except my sons.

Sorry Guys,,,, I'm in the Sport Catagory !
I guess that makes me 2,000,000,001 !
Eagles Fan,,,,Misery Loves Company !
:nuts:

[tsptalk]

I'm big into sports too. I'm guessing some therapist can tell me that it fills some missing void in my life such as love, acceptance, or because daddy never hugged me. Given the choice, I'll still take the sports. :)

[Birchtree]

The only sports I watch on a rare occasion is wrestling - we call it gay bashing around my house - but it sure is fun. Been watching some of the guys since 1972. What a great bunch of players.

[nnuut]

Oh, I do watch Octogon fighting, love to watch those guys beat the crap out of each other, thats is real fighting!!:suspicious:

[Guest2]

The only sports I watch on a rare occasion is wrestling - we call it gay bashing around my house - but it sure is fun. Been watching some of the guys since 1972. What a great bunch of players.

Ivan Putski vs. Gorilla Monsoon
The Iron Shiek vs. Ivan Koloff
Jimmy Snuka vs. Rowdy Rody Piper
Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant
Stone Cold vs. The Rock

From the neighborhood High School Gymnasium, all the way to
Madison Square Garden. Entertainment done so well, that it
started a controversy over; "was it was real or was it fake". ;)

[luv2read]

Wow! I can just feel the testosterone humming in this thread! :nuts::rolleyes:

[Fivetears]

Oh, I do watch Octogon fighting, love to watch those guys beat the crap out of each other, thats is real fighting!!:suspicious:Except when they're on the ground, snuggled up tight, trying to tune each others meat whistle. :mad:
Very boring. Here's how you deal with the MMA Showmen; Don't need no stinkin' cage.

kDeNr_5O7xs

[Bullitt]

I've got a date with my Dad on Sept 6th when Notre Dame opens against SDSU. From that date on, you'll know how we'll be spending our Saturday afternoon's.

-------------------------------

Saw this on Saturday morning wrestling when it first aired. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think to see it again.
Everyone's got a price... for the Million Dollar Man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUaqI8zkBgM

[Frixxxx]

Thanks for the grin, Buster!

My husband says that shopping is another big gender difference. He says shopping goes back to our hunter/gatherer past. Women want to pick a blouse by looking at every shrub on the whole hillside to make sure she is getting the very best one. Men want to kill the first shirt they see and drag it back to the cave. :laugh:

Lady

To sum it up, WOMEN SHOP, MEN BUY!

4 in 2,000,000,000

Gave up on sports when my son went to college. I focus more on retirement and yard work. One's mindful, the other mindless!:cool:

[Guest2]

Except when they're on the ground, snuggled up tight, trying to tune each others meat whistle. :mad:
Very boring. Here's how you deal with the MMA Showmen; Don't need no stinkin' cage..



Reminded me of the Indiana Jones movie when a very colorful, sword
wheeling, bad guy starts to thrust his sword to and fro. Indy gives him
about five seconds of fame, turns his head in bordom, whips out his
trusty revolver and blows the show-off away. (NICE) ! ;)

I can imagine the arena looking like a mosh-pit if the wrong dude wins ! :blink:

[alevin]

http://www.wyomingcompanion.com/cowboy_poetry/wccp13.html#sometimes

Can't help it, Buster came to mind. Course, if any of the rest of my cherished men friends here resemble the story, feel free to speak right up! :laugh:

[Guest2]

http://www.wyomingcompanion.com/cowboy_poetry/wccp13.html#sometimes

Can't help it, Buster came to mind. Course, if any of the rest of my cherished men friends here resemble the story, feel free to speak right up! :laugh:


I replaced the name Rose with my wife's name and sent it to her tonight.
Maybe the smile will short'n my stay in the DogHouse. After all, isn't it the
way it aughta be ! :cheesy:

[Buster]

http://www.wyomingcompanion.com/cowboy_poetry/wccp13.html#sometimes

Can't help it, Buster came to mind. Course, if any of the rest of my cherished men friends here resemble the story, feel free to speak right up! :laugh:
Not me at all you see..I'll have nothing to do with a woman that has more testosterone then me...

[DrFaustus]

I used to be a sports guy but I kinda gave it up after the baseball strike and all of that recent BS on the basketball courts. I watch the Superbowl and the Indy 500 and the NFL playoffs if my team is in them ( go 'Skins! ).

[Frixxxx]

.......I watch the Superbowl ...the NFL playoffs if my team is in them ( go 'Skins! ).

Don't see much football, do you????:laugh:

[Birchtree]

The good news is that a small breasted woman who has a high testosterone level is great in you know where. Take it from a salty dog that knows.

[luv2read]

The good news is that a small breasted woman who has a high testosterone level is great in you know where. Take it from a salty dog that knows.
Hmm...making money isn't the only thing Birch knows about.;)

[Buster]

The good news is that a small breasted woman who has a high testosterone level is great in you know where. Take it from a salty dog that knows.
True..But there is also Large breasted women that have high testosterone levels as well, but are lacking in the you know where or the you know how..;)

[Show-me]

I hate to even post this funny beings I was labled a woman hater in another thread, but it is too funny.:D Got this email from Dad.

Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman....


#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when
you're on the road.

# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably
let you try it out a few times.

# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is f avored over a woman....

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

[Buster]

LOL..Good one..


I luv women.......In the kitchen and bedroom..:toung:

[XL-entLady]

Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman....


ROFL! Good one! :cool:

I'd read it to my husband but I can't get him to quit switching TV channels long enough to listen. Men don't want to know what is on television, they want to know what ELSE is on television. :laugh: :laugh:

Mars and Venus. Mars and Venus! :nuts:

Better go steam press a business suit now ....

Lady

[Show-me]

O' no that sound like work or going to work. Have a good day.

[CountryBoy]

Good one, that will be circulated arounf the office. :laugh:

CB

[James48843]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?






Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?




Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?




Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?



Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?



Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?



If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

[James48843]

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?


Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?



Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?



Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?



Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?



How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?



When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'



Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?




In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

[FUTURESTRADER]

Originally Posted by Dr Faustus
.......I watch the Superbowl ...the NFL playoffs if my team is in them ( go 'Skins! ).




Don't see much football, do you????:laugh:

Lookin like Doc might be watchin a little more this year, eh Doc..(go 'Skins')

[Buster]

And for the biggest WHY question of all..

Why is there Braile Buttons at a Drive through ATM?:confused:

[DrFaustus]

And for the biggest WHY question of all..

Why is there Braile Buttons at a Drive through ATM?:confused:

LOL!!! Great question, Buster!

[Buster]

Okay..testing the HUMOR BUTTON...This is a thread called "men things"..after all..:rolleyes:

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/Atwater/buttons.jpg

If anyone is offended, sorry, not trying to..please delete it MODS if it is too much..no pun intented:D

[Frixxxx]

And for the biggest WHY question of all..

Why is there Braile Buttons at a Drive through ATM?:confused:
Because men are SO LAZY that they only designed one type of button for ALL ATMs, drive-through or walk up!:cool:

[Buster]

Because men are SO LAZY
Speaking for yourself, I see...:laugh::D

Okay then, WHY is there Mail Boxes outside of post offices?..I mean, that's like taking a pee outside your bathroom door..

[Frixxxx]

Speaking for yourself, I see...:laugh::D

Okay then, WHY is there Mail Boxes outside of post offices?..I mean, that's like taking a pee outside your bathroom door..
I default to the SO LAZY, to walk into a building!!!!

[Show-me]

http://i27.tinypic.com/64ow0l.jpg

[ATCJeff]

Hmm...making money isn't the only thing Birch knows about.;)

Maybe we should call him Dr. Birch.:D

[ATCJeff]

LOL..Good one..


I luv women.......In the kitchen and bedroom..:toung:

That's not nice at all...:)

[Buster]

That's not nice at all...:)

I've been called a Male Chauvinist Pig..so I might as well live up to it..:cheesy:

[Birchtree]

I think that quote from luv2read refers to the fact that I knew there were two G spots and I know where they are located. I'll leave it to someone else to tell what they do.

[Show-me]

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded..
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

[Frixxxx]

CAN'T........:laugh:.....STOP.......:laugh:....... ..LAUGHING:laugh:

Nice one Show-me

[James48843]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, 'Jesus
is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised
himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on
and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his
light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.



Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on
a parrot.


Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn
you.'




The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'


'Moses,' replied the bird.


'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?'






'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'