Thread: burrocrat's Account Talk

so i kinda lied there, well, not really lied to you ravensfan, i just failed to mention relevant facts. the real reason i don't try to meet red car girl is i can already tell she would not pass the pee test. yep, i give all my prospective serious dates a pee test.

so i live in a rural area and one of the best ways to really get to know a person is to go for a drive out in the country. just bounce down dirt roads and drink beer and find a hill with a view or a stream or lake to jump in or whatever and talk. but after a few beers, one will need to pee, it is invevitable. so i drive and talk and wait, until she has to pee.

the gal that can just say 'hey, i need to pee, pull over' usually gets a second date. the gal that crosses her arms and legs and refuses to talk and pouts and pinches for 20 miles until we get back to town usually doesn't get a call back. why not stop at somebodies farmstead and ask to pee there? because they would just look at you like you are crazy "what? pee in my house? you have the whole prairie out there?".

so here is a funny but true story about country girls and peeing. i worked with a girl who was 7 or so months pregnant at the time and we had to go out and do some field work, driving around checking weed control on some conservation acres and measuring bins full of grain. after bouncing around dirt roads and two-track prairie trails most of the morning she finally says "stop, i have to pee". so i stopped in the middle of the field miles from a paved road and we both got out and i went around front and went and she went around back and propped herself against the bumper so as not to squat in her condition i could see her head poking up above the edge of the tailgate out of the corner of my eye.

after i get back in the truck and wait for her to finish, she says "hey, can you find some napkins or something, i forgot to bring paper". so i get some out of the glove box and walk down the side of the truck just far enough until i can reach over the edge of the tailgate and she sticks her hand up over her shoulder and grabs the paper. after she is done she stands up and adjust everything and digs a hole with her boot heel and buries the paper, like a cat i guess. then she just climbs back in and says "thanks" and we go on about our way checking weeds and measuring grain. no big deal.

everybody pees you know? too bad she was already married, that one was a keeper, and her husband a lucky man.

so no thanks, no red car girl for me, can't pass the pee test.

Well that is certainly a funny story and it gives me a peek into your persona as someone who pays attention to detail...LOL

As for me, I too had a test when I was a young lad. In those days unlocking one car door did not unlock them all. You had to go to each door individually to unlock them. With that said, I would make sure the driver and passenger side doors were always locked when I picked up my date. I would escort her to the car and unlock and open the door for her. Then I would make my way to the drivers side. If my date reached over and unlocked my door, she would definitely get another date. If not, well, sometimes the date would end there.

Of course, my test was not as elaborate as yours, but then I didn't have to worry about keeping napkins in the glove box!!!

Anyway, thanks for sharing. I'm sure there's a woman out there who will have no problem letting you know when she has to pee!!!

there are two more pee tests, but more for entertainment and less about practical stuff like the first one. but those don't usually come into play until a third or later date, after a comfort level and trust and playfullness has been established.

on a related note, did you know girls toss their heads back and go 'ahhh' while peeing too? we are all the same. i just like the females ones way more is all.

the second test is writing your name in the snow. not many will even try. but some do. i have only met three who could do it. usually they have short names, but then there was kesley jo.

she got the three point football stance and manual aiming and lots of wiggling thing down. but it trailed off after the 'y'.... didn't have anything left for the 'jo' part. she was a keeper too. but she didn't stay, had a wild streak. we still laugh about that cold crisp night on the side of the road when i see her while visiting where my dad lives. she works at the bar. she is good at it. lots of practice i guess.

the third test is standing up. even fewer will try this, and only 1 has pulled it off without needing to change. but let me tell you something... if you ever see this you need to already be sure, absolutely sure in a very personal, intimate way, that all the parts and pieces and ins and outs and ups and downs and all arounds of the plumbing are correct. or else just run.

the only one i know could do it was my exwife. but she had a crazy streak that made wild streaks seem tame. and there was no taming that one. but that didn't stop me from trying.

that is basically all it takes for me. a practical, playful, bold woman. and be sure to put them to the test first.

Burro, Thanks for the entertainment! I have read and enjoyed the dialog while refraining from posting...until the third test was described....

What you describe used to happen every game at Wrigley Field! Women (at least I tell myself they were) peed into the mens trough, while standing up, without soiling their garments, for years! Sadly, a couple of years ago Wrigley went through a rehab where the troughs do not exist anymore...as I can't attest to the skill level needed for a woman to navigate peeing in a urinal I don't know if the communal peeing continues.

Attachment 39263

Originally Posted by ravensfan

Of course, my test was not as elaborate as yours, but then I didn't have to worry about keeping napkins in the glove box!!!

a gentleman always keeps napkins in the glove box, in case he is called upon to assist a lady.

Originally Posted by burrocrat

the second test is writing your name in the snow. not many will even try. but some do. i have only met three who could do it. usually they have short names, but then there was kesley jo.

she got the three point football stance and manual aiming and lots of wiggling thing down. but it trailed off after the 'y'.... didn't have anything left for the 'jo' part. she was a keeper too. but she didn't stay, had a wild streak. we still laugh about that cold crisp night on the side of the road when i see her while visiting where my dad lives. she works at the bar. she is good at it. lots of practice i guess.

This second test reminds me of a joke I heard a few years back. I goes like this: President Obama was looking out from his window in the Oval Office one winters day when he noticed that someone had written "Obama sucks" in the snow with pee. He immediately called his secret service to get to the bottom of this and find the culprit. After a few days, the secret service reported back. Mr. President we have good news and bad news, to which the President replied, "What's the good news?" The pee belongs to Joe Biden said the agent. Well what's the bad news, said the President. "It's in Michele's hand writing" was the reply...

Yeah it's an oldy , but still funny!!!

On another note, can you believe this market today? Will we ever break out of this tight trading channel we're in? Can't believe it's already 29 August and I've still got 2 IFT's...Hmm

Burro. You sound like an outside worker like a NRCS worker crawling thru weeds and measuring grain. Who you work for, I'm former NRCS.

Originally Posted by Mcqlives

...I don't know if the communal peeing continues.

well i would hope so.

out here it is a bit more repressed. outside ok. but indoors not ok. what happens in the country stays in the country, it's not polite to tell.

but if you go to a ballgame or concert in the college arena and as a girl don't want to stand in a long line with all the other girls and instead just walk into the boy's restroom and relieve yourself quicky and effeciently. then some of the fem males they are making these days might get stage fright and report her and she gets thrown out of the venue.

i have seen it two ways i guess. the best way to practice is at a secluded beach on the lake with a cooler of beverages, that way she can just strip off the bikini bottoms and try it bare and go for a quick dip if needed to freshen up or rinse off. a well stocked cooler should provide for several opportunities throughout the afternoon to prime the pump so to speak.

the professional will have a routine where she gets a wad of paper first, then approaches the target and tugs the textile to the side just enough to clear the line of fire in a kind of half crouch hips forward kind of move. it is actually rather modest. when she is done she dabs off and is quick to be covered up and out the door. usually to a large round of applause signifying respect and admiration.

but maybe things are different in your neck of the woods.