Thread: userque's Account talk

"A recession is when your neighbor has lost his job. A depression is when you lose yours."

"A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over. It's a large flock, so he accepts the bet. "There are 973 sheep," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because the man is exactly right. "O.K., I'm a man of my word. Take one." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd. "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your occupation." The man agrees.

"You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "Put down my dog and I'll tell you.""

An economist returns to visit her old school. She's interested in the current exam questions and asks her old professor to show her some.

To her surprise, they are exactly the same ones that she had answered 10 years ago! When she asked the professor about this, the professor answered, "The questions are always the same. Only the answers change!"

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The Bank Robbery

Two stock brokers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the two stock brokers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the stock brokers jams something into the other stockbroker's hand.

Without looking down, the second stockbroker whispers: "What is this?"

The first stockbroker : "It's the $100 I owe you!"

Originally Posted by userque

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Thought this one might be more up to date.

Stock Tennis.jpg

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question
"What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question
"What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down close to the interviewer and says
"What would you like it to equal?"

Quote of the day (from a trader):

"This is worse than a divorce.
I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

Hack may have hit 4.6 mln online brokerage customers

Hack may have hit 4.6 mln online brokerage customers

Scottrade said in a statement it was notified of the incident by US federal officials who "recently informed us that they've been investigating cybersecurity crimes involving the theft of information from Scottrade and other financial services companies."

"How much do you think Senators make?

They now make $154,700 a year.

But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community." —Jay Leno, on Congress voting itself a pay raise

Android Marshmallow is being pushed to Nexus phones.