Thread: Santa

Deer Santa,
> I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I''v ben a gud boy all
> yeer.
>
> Yer Friand, Billy
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You''re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about

> I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I''m giving your
> older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
>
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a god girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
> peace and joy in the world for everybody!
> Love, Sarah
>
> Dear Sarah,
> Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn''t they?
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> I don''t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I''d like for my
> mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> Love, Teddy
>
> Dear Teddy,
> Look, your dad''s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
> hurricane. Do you think he''s gonna give that up to come back to your
> frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It''s time to give up that dream.

> Let me send you some Lego''s instead.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, a PlayStation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a

> drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> Love, Francis
>
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you''re gay. I''ll set you

> up with a Barbie.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
> for your reindeer outside the back door.
> Love, Susan
>
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
> when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of

> Scotch and tell your Mom to wait up.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
> toys?
> Your friend, Thomas
>
> Dear Thomas,
> All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I
> spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
> myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing
> money at the craps table.
>
> Hey, you wanted to know.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we''re sleeping, do you really know when we''re awake,
> like in the song?
> Love, Jessica
>
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I''m skipping
> your house.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dear Santa,
> I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE
> could I have one?
> Love, Timmy
>
> Dear Timmy,
> That whiny begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn''t
> work with me. You''re getting a sweater again.
>
> Santa
>
> ************************************************** **
> Dearest Santa,
> We don''t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
> Love, Marky
>
> Dear Mark,
> First stop calling yourself "Marky", that''s why you''re getting your ass
> whipped at school. Second, yo u don''t live in a house, you live in a
> low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
> bogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
>
> Sweet dreams,
> Santa