Handbasket Portfolio

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 01:29 PM

How about a little exercise in socially irresponsible investing? If it's all going to hell, we might as well enjoy the ride in a nice handbasket.

I'm going to assemble a sample portfolio and track it over three years, through 2012, after that it may not matter. Anybody got any tools out there that can provide monthly, quarterly, annual, and total performance of a theoretical group of stocks?

General investing theory is that professional analysis techniques don't matter. All that one needs is to know what the criminals are going to do and when they plan on doing it.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 01:31 PM

Starting with financials: we've got motive and opportunity so let's take a closer look. Obviously Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan have an inside line, and Warren Buffet over at Wells Fargo seems to have it pretty good. Citibank and Bank of America may be too big to fail, but the local international behemoth has got pitchforks and tiki torches on sale so I'm guessing the growing mob will take it's pound of flesh from one of these two, we're not going for coin flips here so they're both out. Of course it would help if we could take a peek at the Fed's balance sheet but that ain't gonna happen and we need a little international exposure, so lets' go with Barclay's, they did pretty well on the AIG swaps.

GS, JPM, WFC, B002-GB are in.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 01:45 PM

On to consumer products and healthcare: yes, these two make my head hurt so let's lump 'em together, kill two birds with one stone.

After getting in bed with the financial bunch i'm feeling a little dirty, but with this new public option thing happening i can't seem to get an appointment at the clinic. So it's off to Wal-Mart for some Coca-Cola, Lysol, and hand sanitizer, gonna treat myself.

KO, RB.L, WMT make the list.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 01:56 PM

After making all this money, i'm feeling a little guilty, but Philip-Morris seems pretty good at balancing guilt vs profits. And what goes better with a smoke but a cold beer?

I'm buying PM, BUD.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 02:21 PM

Of course, even when i'm squatting in a mud hut i still gotta eat, and them immigrants are 'bout to unite. Without much thought i pick Archer Daniels Midland and Swift meats.

ADM and ?anyone know this symbol?

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 02:22 PM

However this ends we all have to pay the ferryman, and it never hurts to have a little walking around money. Commodities are good for diversification i hear and i like hard currency. We may as well speculate on them new trading products so how about iShares Silver Trust ETF. But that sunny beach ain't gettin nuthin from me, if they want me they can row for free, let's sell it short.

SLV it is.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 02:28 PM

Well that's twelve, rules say portfolio only holds 13 at any one time. Any suggestions for the last one?

Can always adjust individual holdings and percentages, but all trades must be expressed using trailer park mentality or urban vernacular.

Intend to start trackin on 11/01/09. I need some software and a symbol for swift, can i get a witness?

God bless us all.

**James48843** · 10-30-2009, 02:48 PM

Swift is traded as: JBSS3.SA

It's a Brazilian company now, traded on San Paulo exchange.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by James48843

Swift is traded as: JBSS3.SA

JBSS3.SA is in too.

Still need one more. I make the trades but am open for suggestions.

We will start at an even allocation, 100% / 13 = 7.7, lets take 8% each on the first twelve (SLV short).

Still need one more. 4% left over for the late-comer, or could stay in cash.

I'll send you a christmas card if you send me the software to track this.

**burrocrat** · 10-30-2009, 05:40 PM

with this schizophrenic market i'm thinking ritalin or thorazin will come out ahead. who makes those anyway?

I really am serious here, i think this could make some money.

help me out, i wouldn't ask if i didn't value your opionions.

**Silverbird** · 10-30-2009, 08:02 PM

Ritilan won't do, that's for ADHD (attention deficit disorder). What I suggest is investing in anti-depressants - I saw in a recent article demand is going up for those (you could call it a reaction to the see saws).