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Thread: Black Humor (for RED days.)

  1. #1705

    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)


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  3. #1706

    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    ha ha, trick questions. the answer to all of them is yes. or qi if you prefer.
    100g

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  5. #1707

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    You can have it your way. but it still has to be one way, or the other.
    27858193_635055330164206_336128196231311646_n.jpg

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  7. #1708

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life

    SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
    Lovers help each other undress before sex.
    However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
    Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed..

    SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
    When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
    But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his nether reagion and say, "Good job."
    Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

    FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
    1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
    2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the *******'s name.
    3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
    4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
    5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

    BONUS RULES:
    Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

    I think Congressmen should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors!

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  9. #1709

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    Monkeys

    A little girl asked her mother,
    “How did the human race appear?”
    The mother answered,
    “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.”
    Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
    The father answered,
    “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
    The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
    “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
    The mother answered,
    “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

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  11. #1710

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM.

    I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.. The teacher had no sense of humor.



    Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
    * his last battle

    Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

    * at the bottom of the page

    Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?

    * liquid

    Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?

    * marriage

    Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?

    * exams

    Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?

    * Lunch & dinner

    Q7.. What looks like half an apple?

    * The other half

    Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?

    * Wet

    Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?

    * No problem, he sleeps at night.

    Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

    * You will never find an elephant that has one hand.




    Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
    * Very large hands

    Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

    *No time at all, the wall is already built.

    Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

    *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.



  12.  
  13. #1711

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    Mental Health Test

    The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
    1. This is this cat.
    2. This is is cat.
    3. This is how cat.
    4. This is to cat.
    5. This is keep cat.
    6. This is an cat.
    7. This is old cat.
    8. This is fart cat.
    9. This is busy cat.
    10. This is for cat.
    11. This is forty cat.
    12. This is seconds cat.



    Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down

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  15. #1712

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    An old geezer became very bored with retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000."
    Doctor Young, who was positive that Dr. Geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
    Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?
    Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.Young's mouth."
    "Dr. Young: "Aaagh! -- This is gasoline!"
    Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
    Dr. Young became annoyed at this and went back after a couple of days to recover his money. He said:" I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
    "Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.
    "Dr. Young: "Oh no you don't - that's gasoline!
    "Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!You've got your memory back.That will be $500."
    Dr. Young, (after losing $1000), left angrily and then came back a few days later and said: "My eyesight has become weak; I can hardly see anything!"
    "Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back," handing him a $10 bill.
    Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
    Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You just got your vision back! That will be $500.
    Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer". Don't make old people mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick them off.
    Enjoy your day!



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  17. #1713

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    CAUTION! Non-Poisonous Garter (Garden) Snake Can Be Very DEADLY



    The Grass Snake, also known as the innocent Garter or Garden Snake (Thamnophissirtalis), can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

    Here’s why that little innocent snake can be deadly:

    https://joeforamerica.com/2018/02/ga...ke-can-deadly/




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  19. #1714

    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard.

    The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.




    'You talk?' he asks.


    'Yep,' the Lab replies.

    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, 'So, what's your story?'

    The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.


    I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA that I could talk. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

    'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.'

    'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

    'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'




    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

    'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

    'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'


    'Because he's a terrible liar. He's never even been out of the yard'.


    "Too old to rock and roll...too young to die"... - I. Anderson

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  21. #1715

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    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    (IMAGE) Dunning Kruger Pilot

    [COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=comic sans ms][I]"In the land of idiots, the moron is King."--Unknown[/I][/FONT][/COLOR]

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  23. #1716

    Default Re: Black Humor (for RED days.)

    .
    Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

    - Irwin Corey

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