Thread: Black Humor (for RED days.)

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New list of literary terms; that is, those words used in discussion, classification, criticism, and analysis of\or just to make fun of others.

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A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.


"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.


The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"


He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"


The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."


Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.


"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."


Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.


“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "we're not coming out of this pond until you leave."

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said: "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

The Male Cycle

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big breasts.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big breasts, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big breasts.

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved my precious little dog.
Upon getting back on the pier, he checked out my puppy and told me, "Ze
dog is ok. He vill be fine."


Due to his selfless heroic act, I asked, "Are you a vet?

"He replied, "Vet ? I'm fuken soaked!"

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