Handbasket Portfolio

[burrocrat]

How about a little exercise in socially irresponsible investing? If it's all going to hell, we might as well enjoy the ride in a nice handbasket.

I'm going to assemble a sample portfolio and track it over three years, through 2012, after that it may not matter. Anybody got any tools out there that can provide monthly, quarterly, annual, and total performance of a theoretical group of stocks?

General investing theory is that professional analysis techniques don't matter. All that one needs is to know what the criminals are going to do and when they plan on doing it.

[burrocrat]

Starting with financials: we've got motive and opportunity so let's take a closer look. Obviously Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan have an inside line, and Warren Buffet over at Wells Fargo seems to have it pretty good. Citibank and Bank of America may be too big to fail, but the local international behemoth has got pitchforks and tiki torches on sale so I'm guessing the growing mob will take it's pound of flesh from one of these two, we're not going for coin flips here so they're both out. Of course it would help if we could take a peek at the Fed's balance sheet but that ain't gonna happen and we need a little international exposure, so lets' go with Barclay's, they did pretty well on the AIG swaps.

GS, JPM, WFC, B002-GB are in.

[burrocrat]

On to consumer products and healthcare: yes, these two make my head hurt so let's lump 'em together, kill two birds with one stone.

After getting in bed with the financial bunch i'm feeling a little dirty, but with this new public option thing happening i can't seem to get an appointment at the clinic. So it's off to Wal-Mart for some Coca-Cola, Lysol, and hand sanitizer, gonna treat myself.

KO, RB.L, WMT make the list.

[burrocrat]

After making all this money, i'm feeling a little guilty, but Philip-Morris seems pretty good at balancing guilt vs profits. And what goes better with a smoke but a cold beer?

I'm buying PM, BUD.

[burrocrat]

Of course, even when i'm squatting in a mud hut i still gotta eat, and them immigrants are 'bout to unite. Without much thought i pick Archer Daniels Midland and Swift meats.

ADM and ?anyone know this symbol?

[burrocrat]

However this ends we all have to pay the ferryman, and it never hurts to have a little walking around money. Commodities are good for diversification i hear and i like hard currency. We may as well speculate on them new trading products so how about iShares Silver Trust ETF. But that sunny beach ain't gettin nuthin from me, if they want me they can row for free, let's sell it short.

SLV it is.

[burrocrat]

Well that's twelve, rules say portfolio only holds 13 at any one time. Any suggestions for the last one?

Can always adjust individual holdings and percentages, but all trades must be expressed using trailer park mentality or urban vernacular.

Intend to start trackin on 11/01/09. I need some software and a symbol for swift, can i get a witness?

God bless us all.

[James48843]

Swift is traded as: JBSS3.SA

It's a Brazilian company now, traded on San Paulo exchange.

[burrocrat]

Swift is traded as: JBSS3.SA

JBSS3.SA is in too.

Still need one more. I make the trades but am open for suggestions.

We will start at an even allocation, 100% / 13 = 7.7, lets take 8% each on the first twelve (SLV short).

Still need one more. 4% left over for the late-comer, or could stay in cash.

I'll send you a christmas card if you send me the software to track this.

[burrocrat]

with this schizophrenic market i'm thinking ritalin or thorazin will come out ahead. who makes those anyway?

I really am serious here, i think this could make some money.

help me out, i wouldn't ask if i didn't value your opionions.

[Silverbird]

Ritilan won't do, that's for ADHD (attention deficit disorder). What I suggest is investing in anti-depressants - I saw in a recent article demand is going up for those (you could call it a reaction to the see saws).:suspicious:

[burrocrat]

LLY is in, maker of prozac, thanks silverbird.

[burrocrat]

Ready set go. i have a hypothetical 10,000 to invest, spending all of it today, just decided holding cash is not an option, got to be in to win.

For the record: purchasing shares at today's COB prices, fully invested to start the month.

8% each: GS, JPM, WFC, B002-GB, KO, RB.L, WMT, PM, BUD, ADM, JBSS3.SA, and SLV (short).

4%: LLY.

[burrocrat]

7123

[burrocrat]

for the record, the previous post is starting point, a little clunky i know, i'll work on the presentation. any hints on displaying a password protected webpage in a readable format without taking up too much space?

i set up a free portfolio on bloomberg.com. we'll see how it tracks.

ADM, BCS, BUD, DGZ, GS, JBSAY, JPM, KO, LLY, PM, RBGPY, WFC, WMT.

i switched symbols around to get US denominated securities, foreign exchanges weren't calculating correctly, i think i maintained the intent of the original holdings.

except i did switch the silver idea for gold instead, went with an inverse fund power shares DGZ:US. if i ain't gonna pay the ferryman i might as well not pay him the good stuff.

let 'er buck.

[burrocrat]

testing, attention please. I don't know if this link to the bloomberg handbasket portfolio tracker will work, but here goes.

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/subscriber/webport

bottom line: day one up 1.15%. cool beans.

[burrocrat]

http://www.cnbc.com/id/33599584

oh dear god, the barbarian is opening the gates.

don't get trampled on the way in.

for the good of the shareholders of course.

problem is berkshire hathaway is the shareholder.

this guy operates on a long time horizon, give it a minute to cool off then, all aboard!

[burrocrat]

multiple nuggets of wisdom here:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/33603477/

bnsf is only the vehicle to profits. what fuels the engine?

see post #1, intentions and timing.

more goods moved by rail. more rail powered by petro diluted with bio-what? if you own the market that supplies the raw material to the company that converts it into an acceptable industrial product with government subsidies that has a contract to sell it back to yourself, how can you go wrong?

there's a ten-bagger in here somewhere.

is it corn, sugar, hemp, converted trash, what?

help me find it and we all get rich.

[burrocrat]

no offense to all you whores in church, but i'm not betting on converted trash, didn't work out so well for me last time.

WB based near the south, lots of farmed yellow pine forests, efficient machinery and infrastructure already in place to harvest it, plus trees situated to capitalize nicely on the coming cap and trade.

what about cellulose? how have the timber companies and paper mills been doing lately? buy low, cash some out high with retained ownership.

Weyerhauser, Boise Cascade, Potlach, other? which has WB had a long time interest in that's connected to his other related holdings?

i'm long on vision but short on research.

there's a play here.

[burrocrat]

handbasket portfolio up 2.14% since inception.

add to watch list:

F: i'm going to keep driving my 15 mpg pickup unneccessarily until i can't anymore, might as well do it in a vehicle made by the only merican company not on the dole, i cringe ever time i have to sit in a chevy, feel like i got 'food stamps' pasted on my forehead.

BNI: they use a lot of diesel fuel and it can only get greener, i swear the thump-thump when i cross the tracks on my way to the right side of town smells like french fries.

?toilet paper company?: can't come up with the name right now, but it's written in green print on a big cardboard box in every institutional storeroom, i can see the picture in my head but can't read the letters, two words has a dash in it, you know the sandpaper-on-a-roll you find in public restrooms, the good stuff is now called 'biomass' and will go to Warren Buffet's processing plant to fuel the engines of growth, no charmin for you.

[burrocrat]

just be glad we can still eat with our left hands, a majority of the world is not as fortunate.

[burrocrat]

week 1 tally: +3.46%. until i get more sophisticated at importing data you'll just have to trust me.

biggest winners: JBSAY, BCS, ADM up 7 to 15%

only losers: WFC & DGZ down 1.5 to 5%

kinda of sad that a now foreign based meat company, british bank, and agricultural monster are making money hand over fist while a US bank and short gold fund take it in the shorts.

anyone seen my dollar, i swear i left it here a while ago? oh, there it is, that shiny thing on the floor with the pretty picture on the back says .25 on the other side.

[burrocrat]

If Warren Buffet bought 100% of BNI, does it still trade publicly then? Or will it be removed and held privately or rolled into Berkshire Hathaway shares? How does that work?

[burrocrat]

they say only dumb money buys the open so here goes. can't really day trade during the week so will probaly adjust holdings weekly. maybe more often if i hear the crack of thunder and feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Financials: selling half of GS, they may be good at what they do, but with bonus season coming and the congressional mob gathering stones i'm gonna back off a bit here. Also selling half of BCS, got a guilt problem with making money of a predatory European bank especially when i'm the prey. Holding original stake in JPM, (you're a pee'in?) all over me, but at least you pretend to be on our side, plus you're good at sneakin profits out the back door while most folks is busy concentratin on the spectacle at the whippin post.

Selling all of LLY, i just can't stomach the thought of some technician in a lab coat engineering the chemical solution to my problems, it's too depressing.

Besides it's huntin season, time to self medicate. Gonna hop in my pick up, grab some ammo at wally world, and swing by the quick mart to visit my sweetie for a half-rack and a pack of smokes.

Still short on the shiny stuff with GDZ. I won't start acquiring gold until it hits 3k an ounce, got venison?

Taking the proceeds and putting it all on F, goddammit we're still in america for now, and i'm gonna drive like i own it.

[burrocrat]

7179

11/06 trade data, there's gotta be a better way.

[burrocrat]

7253

last time for the crappy text portfolio performance uploads, i got a new idea.

since inception handbasket portfolio is up 4.6%, 10,000 now equals 10,459.74. Not bad for two weeks works.

Only loser is GDZ short, but it's time is coming.

Gonna sell 1/2 of stake in WFC and all of remaining shares of GS, buying DBB a base metals ETF, them bankers don't do nuthin and are bout to find themselves out of a job, course it would be nice if my buddy i let crash on the couch got his self employed, he pretty base and works good with metal so maybe there's hope.

Ditching 1/2 of shares of JPM and BUD, same reason as above and i gotta quit drinkin so much. Buying IEZ an oil services ETF, if they aint hiring welders maybe he could drive truck, he's gotta go, i think he can hear me and his cousin doing it plus he wake up with a smile on his face and the kitchen towels all are stuffed under the couch, creepy.

Gettin rid of all shares of RBGPY, once he gone we aint gonna need so much lysol and hand sanitizer, and that whole swine flu thing is a scam, if them mexican gals would just quit kissing pigs we all be fine. Buyin COW ETF instead, aint nuthin better than lean hogs and live cattle. Except for tube tops, but i already own WMT so that's a wash.

[burrocrat]

7254

for the record: $10,459.74 out and $10,459.74 in. shares are a little off, ended up missing bout 400 from one of the banks, put it in the short gold instead.

Holding: ADM, BCS, BUD, COW, DBB, DGZ, F, IEZ, JBSAY, KO, PM, WFC, WMT.

No more text updates, you'll have to trust my math with random comments on the notable gains/losses.

Or you could just go see for yourself. Post a market tip or buy recommendation here, explain your ?logic? then PM me for the login and p assword, much easier on the eyes that way. serious inquiries only please, just look but don't trade in the tracker and don't call me at home.

[burrocrat]

the bloomberg gain/loss numbers will be off a bit, since we originally started with 10k and now this one starts with more than that, but hey what's 4.6% among friends?

enjoy the weekend and don't forget to pick up an extra 3-pack of underwear when they're on sale, you never know when you might need them, i keep mine in the trunk.

[burrocrat]

here's the next boom:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601109&sid=alximP6.Eta8&pos=10

If wall street finance types and hedge fund managers are getting behind it, how long before laws and regulations become more favorable?

Do either of the poker sites mentioned trade publicly? "put the cards down and step into the market"

i particularly liked the "skirting with edge of ruin" comment.

man this investing stuff is fun, and legal.

[burrocrat]

http://www.cnbc.com/id/34054105 (http://www.cnbc.com/id/34054105)

"should not be held responsible for his own losses"

that's why we have insurance, right? who taught him to play 21?

goddam was i the only one who had a paper route and a 'landscaping business'? what happened to pay your own way?

there's work out there if you want to find it.

[burrocrat]

same source as previous post.

"It is against Nevada law for a casino to knowingly let a gambling addict play, especially one who appears incapacitated."

I didn't know lord bunkfien was asian. well, at least the courts will 'come in hs favor'.

is turbo timmy and GS still 'capacitated'?

who's watchin the hen house?

get in on wynn to win, luke you are our only hope.

who's you're daddy?

[burrocrat]

handbasket portfolio value as of 11/20 close is 10,504.08. mixed results across the board, leaving positions where they're at.

[burrocrat]

Handbasket Portfolio value as of COB 11/27/09 = 10,460.38.

Not bad considering the dubai dubacle today.

beef, beer, bargain retailers, and bubba's pickup carrying the load. that's america for ya.

dam gold just won't stop, short fund bleedin me dry.

[burrocrat]

this is gettin too complicated for me, tried to do a little adjustment but the site doesn't auto update stuff so i got lost.

threw up my hands in frustration, sold everything and spilt it all equally between 4 holdings: COW, DBB, DGZ, and F at $2615.095 each.

banks going down, dollar going up = gold down (fed gonna have to poop or get of the pot soon), industrials should do well in the recovery i believe is underway, still gotta eat and drive.

[grandma]

this is gettin too complicated for me, tried to do a little adjustment but the site doesn't auto update stuff so i got lost.

threw up my hands in frustration, sold everything and spilt it all equally between 4 holdings: COW, DBB, DGZ, and F at $2615.095 each.
.
I don't know, burrocrat, but it seems to me you could at least have split it between your faithful readers....:cool:

[burrocrat]

I don't know, burrocrat, but it seems to me you could at least have split it between your faithful readers...

Grandma, that is the best suggestion i've heard in a long time.

This is more work than i imagined, basically just a selfish exercise anyway, love to hear myself talk, and speaking of selfish i need to use the time to allocate my real positions, although all kidding aside i think there are some real gems in this bunch.

COB 11/30/09 handbasket portfolio is at $10,548.52, not bad for one month, wish i could pull 5% everytime in real life.

Announcing the retirement of the handbasket portfolio, taking the original (fake) 10 large and putting it back where it came from, easy come easy go.

Profit of $548.52 is split 4 ways, $137.13 each:

To Grandma, don't spend all the monopoly money in one place, i trust your judgement;

To Toys for Tots, the marines (and all our service men and women) do a great work, this means something personal to me, you never know what a lasting impression one fortunate day and a little happiness can make in a person's life, i have been the recipient of kindness a lot, probably more times than i know;

To the local food bank, and i don't care who utimately gets it, the mistakes they may have made, the hole they may have dug themselves, the color of their skin, or their immigration status, me and mine don't go to bed hungry and afraid, and in this great abundant nation of ours no one else should have to either, especially the kids, they are the future, they have a tough job ahead of them and i don't expect them to work on an empty stomach.

To Phil, i admit a little bit of trying to buy a friend, despite our different points of view, i respect your knowledge of facts and commitment to the causes that are important to you, use as you see fit, i have faith in you too.

In all seriousness, i will cut an actual check to the food bank for that amount, it will hurt a bit, but i've already got presents in the attic waiting to be wrapped and more on the list, life is good and i can't complain.

Let's not forget the real reason we are here, tis the season, merry Christmas to all and to all a good fight.

[burrocrat]

I came across an interesting question:

"Are the hungry, homeless kids here in better shape than the hungry kids in 3rd world countries?"

I don't know the answer to that one, and i don't know, at my scale, if it matters. I learned a long time ago that what i think is right for me is not necessarily what is right for anyone else, heck it might even be not right for me but i keep pushing forward anyway, I do what I can. Only one is qualified to be the judge, no doubt He knows what is right, thank God that's not my job.

I vividly remember a tv commercial from way back when I was a kid, innocent looking girl alone in a herbal forest hawking shampoo, and she told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on... pretty soon the screen was full of happy people. It has stuck with me ever since, there is an important message in there I'm sure. Now, I'm not saying that everything would be right with the world if we all just had clean shiny hair, but it couldn't hurt.

That experience, and many others, have led me to what I call the 'Pond Theory'.

When a person does something good it is like throwing a pebble into a pond, and that ripple spreads, and the sunlight dappling through the leaves sparkles off that little wave, and it is beautiful, and others may see that beauty and realize they too have a pebble to toss, and it is good.

Together we can make the sea boil. I am convinced that each person has been blessed with a gift and an opportunity, no matter their circumstance or however seemingly small, and by working with one another, we can affect positive change. That's not an original idea, many others have seen their own vision of the same thing, call it thousand points of light, save the rain forests, eat locally, renewable energy, give at church, tutor a disadvantaged student, whatever.

At one particularly difficult time, when my life was in shambles and the world did not look much better, some people came to my door. I didn't buy what they were selling, but they did ask me a pertintent question, again a moment I will not forget. The answer was love.

Around the same time, i found one of those silly motivational posters, "Teamwork: We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own". Tattered and creased by many miles and years, it is still tacked on my wall today.

That is my pebble.