mlk_man's fun house

[mlk_man]

The last page of my account talk thread isn't working again so I'm taking Fundsurfer's advice and starting another. I'mcalling it "mlk_man's fun house" in hopes of bringing some fun back here.

Currently 100% S but I have a sell signal.

M_M

[mlk_man]

Little humor time. This was sent to me by another member here and I've posted it with their permission.

M_M

Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney from CBS's 60 Minutes. It's hard
to believe that a man wrote this - Enjoy!

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all.Here are
just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will not lie next to you in bed and ask, "What are you
thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do.And it's
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom.Few women past the age of 40
give a &*#! what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can
get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise.They know what it's like to be
unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends.A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40
couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age.You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40.They already know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.This is not
true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than
her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.They'll tell you right off if
you are a jerk if you are acting like one.You don't ever have to
wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal.For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed woman of
40+there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 18-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.For all those men who say,"Why buy the cow when
you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you.Nowadays 80%
of women are against marriage.Why? Because women realize it's not
worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

[mlk_man]

Moving to 100% G fund this morning.

[TGA]

Moved there last night. Saving a seat for ya....

It's the one with the whoopie cushion on it!!

:^Tom

[mlk_man]

Why thank ya Tom! I keep hoping we will end up a bit higher today.................

Good luck my man,

M_M

[mlk_man]

FYI on a couple small cap funds:

Small-company (small-cap) stocks display a correlation to large-company stocks of less than one, so their addition to a portfolio may add diversification. Correlation is a measure of how investment price fluctuations are related to one another. If two investments move together, their correlation is one; that is not desirable. If the correlation is less than one, they do not move together and diversification is improved. To lower small caps' high level of risk, we prefer to emphasize the value end.

Royce Total Return Fund (RYTRX). Most diversified portfolios should include some small-cap stock funds. We prefer small-cap value or a blend to small-cap growth. Many studies have consistently shown that value stocks provide as much if not more return as growth stocks but with less risk. Royce is one of the few really good small-cap funds that is open to new investors. (Small company stock funds tend to close quickly if they get too large.) It performs well in bad markets, and therefore, it fits in nicely with our strategy of creating high-stability portfolios. Royce has returned more than 10% annually for the last three years and has a reasonable expense ratio (for a small stock fund) of 1.15%. Minimum initial purchase: $2,000 for a taxable account... $500 for an IRA.

Keeley Small-Cap Value Fund (KSCVX). This fund's management adheres to a value strategy and has been rewarded with lower volatility than most small-cap funds. Its expense ratio of 1.64% is higher than we like -- we like to see an expense ratio of 1.25% or less for small stock funds -- but its performance has exceeded that hurdle with an annualized return since inception of 14.6%, beating its benchmark, the Russell 2000 Index, eight out of the last 10 years. Minimum initial purchase: $1,000 for a taxable account... $250 for an IRA.

[mlk_man]

I moved to 100% F fund this morning. We should get the penny today and I think stocks are headed into a consolidation mode. They may be up tomorrow but I doubt enough to warrant the risk. That leaves the F........

I noticed that last Aug. was pretty good for the F fund. I'll probably jump in and out of it till I see stocks come back up.

Good luck,

M_M

[mlk_man]

This is funny. Go to www.google.com (http://www.google.com) and type in Failure. What's the first thing you see? :shock:

[biggdog1]

MLK that was great. Damn near fell out of my chair. The guy I work with is a Rush L. fan.He didn't like too much though. Chased me around the Registry Room for 10 minutesbefore I could him locked in the vault. I think he's rabid, Glad I've had all my shots.

[mlk_man]

LOL, glad you like it. Don't get me wrong, I'm a moderate Republican all the way. Just thought it was funny..........:^

[cowboy]

Hey MilkMan your leaving! Please, dont let the door hit you on the a_ _ on the way out! I have no feelings for anybody, I am cold hearted ruthless son-of-a-b_ _ _ _. Goodby! We will miss that .085% return for the year!

Hell, he'll be on tomorrow folks, because he has nothing else to do and besides he's addicted! If you damn moderators delete this I'll hunt you down with my six shooters! :D Oh, Gosh this is hillarious! Is this Peyton Place! Help me, Milk is leaving cold turkey!! Give me a break now all the Milky fans will come on and say by,by, Milkboy!! Then Kissy kissy make up! We love you Milkboy, we want you to stay! Oh well no use crying over spilt milk! LOL!!!!

[mlk_man]

cowboy wrote: Hey MilkMan your leaving! Please, dont let the door hit you on the a_ _ on the way out! I have no feelings for anybody, I am cold hearted ruthless son-of-a-b_ _ _ _. Goodby! We will miss that .085% return for the year!

Hell, he'll be on tomorrow folks, because he has nothing else to do and besides he's addicted! If you damn moderators delete this I'll hunt you down with my six shooters! :D Oh, Gosh this is hillarious! Is this Peyton Place! Help me, Milk is leaving cold turkey!! Give me a break now all the Milky fans will come on and say by,by, Milkboy!! Then Kissy kissy make up! We love you Milkboy, we want you to stay! Oh well no use crying over spilt milk! LOL!!!!

I'm starting to think moderators are like cops, never around when you need one.

I would take offense at this post if it weren't coming from a stupid redneck.......

Shouldn't you get back to your flock okie boy? Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

BTW, here's one of your posts from the past:


Joined:
Fri Sep 17th, 2004

Location:


Posts:
586
Posted: Thu Dec 16th, 2004 09:46 am





Quote (http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/reply.php?topic_id=278&post_id=10083&quote=1)


Reply (http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/reply.php?topic_id=278)


You have to do what you feel is best for the board, Tom. But I do have to say this Mlk-Man was delivering. His moves were very interesting and seemed like his system was effective. I'm kind of like Rolo, now I will not know his system and it is a loss to the board.To read the market the way he was the last few months was really something, and if you followed him you made some cool cash.Good Luck to you Mlk-Man!

[Rolo]

cowboy wrote: If you damn moderators delete this I'll hunt you down with my six shooters! :D

ehehehehe....you'll hafta be a little more prepared...I have automatics. :shock:


[line]


Rolo the moderator: Okay, both of you got your shots in....humourous quips are one thing,the imminentflame is another. Take your flames to PM.

Rolo the dude: mlk...don't take everything so personally...I think that was his point.

[cowboy]

Rolo wrote: cowboy wrote: If you damn moderators delete this I'll hunt you down with my six shooters! :D

ehehehehe....you'll hafta be a little more prepared...I have automatics. :shock:


[line]


Rolo the moderator: Okay, both of you got your shots in....humourous quips are one thing,the imminentflame is another. Take your flames to PM.

Rolo the dude: mlk...don't take everything so personally...I think that was his point.LoL! Rolo that was my point exactly! Now as far as automatics most people that use them just throw lead and cant hit the broad side of a barn. Don't worry folks MM wil stay. Your post MM was from last year, I am talking this year! I won't take offense to the redneck shot since I knowthe source of the comment and I laid it on kind of thick didn't I MM. Whats the sense on having a board ifwe sensor everything. Ouch he called me a red neck! I am really crying now! LOL!! :DFlocks are for preachers. If you follow what I do you ride because you want to. I just didn't want MM's threads to get filled up with sympathy crap when I am looking for the important stuff which has been kind of slow lately. Good luck MM!

[Rolo]

cowboy wrote: Now as far as automatics most people that use them just throw lead and cant hit the broad side of a barn.
ehehehe...one O my automatics shoots RPGs. :shock: The general direction of the barn will suffice. Hopefully, my F fund endeavour won't crater like it. :s



Digressing....I do agree with the women over 40 essay.

[GGal]

:cool:Hey Dudes, I'm so amused! I'm past the big five-0, and way cuter than any of ya'll old fat pharts!

And this cow ain't for sale!You just wish. You old pigs. LOL! I like my sausage Ground.

GAWGA

[Rolo]

rent?

:D

[pyriel]

MM posted. He is not out after all. Didn't get the redneck part. Is that because cowboy is a farm boy and since he is under the sun alot that his neck turns red due to sunburn?

Rolo and Cowboy, If we ever get together, i'll be frisking both of you before we sit down for a beer.... Oooppsss... sorry margarita for me...


Ggal, please send me your pics... Would like to verify that myself...;-)

[Greg]

pyriel wrote: Didn't get the redneck part. Is that because cowboy is a farm boy and since he is under the sun alot that his neck turns red due to sunburn?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redneck
http://absolutefunpages.com/Sigz144a_Redneck.html

http://absolutefunpages.com/Giddy/Gifs/gifs3/23Redneck.jpg
http://www.thewvsr.com/images/redneck.jpg
http://www.onlineathens.com/images/071299/redneck_games.jpg
http://kahuna.sdsu.edu/~garrisi/redneck.JPG

http://www.thedonaldsucks.com/apparel/redneck%20donald.jpg
http://cyclone.yadda.net/~rfg/Funny/Redneck%20Barbie.jpg

[Greg]

pyriel wrote: Didn't get the redneck part. Is that because cowboy is a farm boy and since he is under the sun alot that his neck turns red due to sunburn?

40 Things Never Said By Rednecks


40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.


( I have said/wouldsay number 4, 14, 15, 21, 31and 40)

[Greg]

pyriel wrote: Didn't get the redneck part. Is that because cowboy is a farm boy and since he is under the sun alot that his neck turns red due to sunburn?
You might be a redneck:

If you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

If your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

If the people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors

If your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

If you've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.

If you have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

If you have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

If you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

If anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".

If your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

If you've sent fan mail to a monster truck.

If you had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.

If more than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

If you've ever mowed the lawn and found a car.

If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

If everyday someone comes to your house thinking your having a yardsale.

If you've ever financed a tattoo.

If people have asked to hunt in your front yard.

If you think the nut cracker is something you did off the high dive.

If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

If the neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

If you've been too drunk to fish.

If there are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

If the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

If you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate.

[cowboy]

LOL!! :DAre these both some of Jeff Foxworthy's work! "Things never said by a redneck" is pretty good! So do you figure your off the list Greg since you do claim to do some of them. :)

[Greg]

cowboy wrote: So do you figure you're off the list Greg?Heck no. I only have one hunting dog (a Springer Spaniel) anddon't likesweet tea, butI qualify as a redneck in all the other ways.

[Greg]

I left out one of the best ones

You might be a redneck:

Ifyou see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

http://www.jefffoxworthy.com/media/

[Spaf]

Warning!

Some of the above posts do not meet the General Terms of Service of TSPTalk. The appropriate Moderator has been notified by PM.

Rgds :? Spaf

[Rolo]

Aww...I thought it was on topic, "fun house", and nobody's bent out of shape...I was LOL.

[cowboy]

Me too! Whats wrong with having a thread for some fun, it gets you to other subjects instead of grinding on the old ones. This thread could be like the funnies in the newspaper if you don't want to read it go to the next page. If you can not laugh at yourself and with others all the money in the world will not make you happy!

[Spaf]

I have no objection of "fun" and some were a LOL. However, the PIC of the female with the shopping cart went to far. In my opinion (and Tom's rules). If I'm wrong we can edit the warning.

If the ladies on board think the PIC was right/wrong. Send me a PM!

Just trying to hold the middle ground. Rgds Spaf

[cowboy]

Seems to me if the ladies want to express their opinion they could do it right here and not need to PM you! Just trying to keep things up front!

[mlk_man]

Cowboy, the rules specifically state that you can make fun of redneck men but not redneck women................you have to read the fine print. :^

One more thing you'll never hear a redneck say:

"Can I go ahead and make my next dentist appt. while I'm here Dr. Abdallah?"

[cowboy]

I don'tknow much about the rules and really don't care.The picture to me was too stereo type.It could of been much worse. I could see a problem if it was directed at a specific person but generalizing should not offend anyone. I think it was the source of the post more than the actual picture, that is causing the mumbling & grumbling. I didn'tsee any men complaining about the Women over 40that was posted.LOL, of course Andy Rooney shouldknow all about size! Or maybe Andy is too tight to get a woman under 40. Hey Andy your power is in your purse! LOL:D

IfI offended anyone please accept my humble appology. If you do not accept my appology youhave 1 wish of the 3 wishes to choose from: Then you can hope your wish is answered.

May1000 Iraqians ride over me with their camels.

May Rita dump a 20 foot wave on my home and wash my trailer to New Orleans.

May President Bush send my state 50,000 refugees.

[mlk_man]

You know if these rednecks would stop p-ing in the water and making it warm, these hurricanes wouldn't get so big..........that includes the women too!! :P

[grandma]

Spaf wrote: I have no objection of "fun" and some were a LOL. However, the PIC of the female with the shopping cart went to far. ...Just trying to hold the middle ground. Rgds Spaf..of my four kids three of them think Foxworthy is hilarious. sometimes - sometimes- I might think he is funny. I just skip the rest - I guess 'cuz I am not a Barbie fan either, I thought the picture probably was fitting bothFoxworthy & Barbie - !! Without a blackened eye it is ludicrous, with a blackened eye it is sad & depressing. ..but- leave it ...that could have been me 100 years ago - except I wasn't blonde !!!!http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/triso/whitehairslink.jpg

[GGal]

:)Hey, the Pic didn't offend me.....to the contrary.....brought back fond memories from 30 years ago, and Husband # Uno!!!!!

See if you can get some white patent leather knee-high boots (that lace up) on her.

When did the world become a place where we can't laugh at ourselves?

Miss Peaches

[cowboy]

LOL!! :DI still don't know how Greg caught me lounging in my pool a monthago.:i It must be one of them new fangled satelite pictures!

[grandma]

cowboy wrote: IfI offended anyone please accept my humble appology. If you do not accept my appology youhave 1 wish of the 3 wishes to choose from: Then you can hope your wish is answered.
May President Bush send my state 50,000 refugees.

hmmm - Cowboy - that would add just <than 2 additonal people per square mile in your fine state ... ........let me think about it .. !http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/triso/smileyslove.gif :l

[Rolo]

I'm still tryin' to figure out what was supposed to be offensive about the redneck Barbie pic...even bearing the text and the spirit of the rules in mind. "Hypersensitivity", "Political Correctness", and "Thought Police" are the only things that do come to mind.

Careful: For rules to be equitable, they must universally apply. To consider something offensive based on gender aloneviolates this equity and undermines all rules, equitable or not. Additionally, to "shield" or "protect" women strictly because they are women implies that they are helpless waifs.

[pyriel]

Come on guys and gals... Spaf was just joking...?

[pyriel]

mlk_man wrote: Cowboy, the rules specifically state that you can make fun of redneck men but not redneck women................you have to read the fine print. :^
hahahaha

[pyriel]

GeorgiaGal wrote: :cool:Hey Dudes, I'm so amused! I'm past the big five-0, and way cuter than any of ya'll old fat pharts!
GAWGA


Ggal, please send me your pics... Would like to verify that myself...;-)

OK... I've verified it and I am impressed. Georgia ladies don't lie... Case closed...

[Rolo]

ehehehe...poor Spaf...'no good deed goes unpunished' :(

[cowboy]

grandma wrote: cowboy wrote: IfI offended anyone please accept my humble appology. If you do not accept my appology youhave 1 wish of the 3 wishes to choose from: Then you can hope your wish is answered.
May President Bush send my state 50,000 refugees.

hmmm - Cowboy - that would add just <than 2 additonal people per square mile in your fine state ... ........let me think about it .. !http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/triso/smileyslove.gif :lLOL! Just think of the economic growth we would have here! It would probably be short lived though cause when winter hit they would possibly all freeze.

[Spaf]

Rolo wrote: ehehehe...poor Spaf...'no good deed goes unpunished' :(
ehehehe..........yea right! ;)

As pyriel said case closed! Thread is back in mid stream! Don't want members drifting off and running their boat into rocks. Cause everyone has something to contribute. Rgds :) Spaf

[mlk_man]

http://us.f537.mail.yahoo.com/ym/us/ShowLetter?box=Sent&MsgId=5135_12424386_875784_108 4_584706_0_97877_858848_459839087&bodyPart=10&YY=1 3302&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx= 0



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[Rolo]

The piccys don't show, mlk.

Hey mlk...I just looked at your account #3 (but didn't post in it...so put down the cat-o-nine tails, grandma) and I have to ask, mlk, "Whatdahellyoo dooin'?" heh...all over the place and such.

[mlk_man]

Rolo wrote:
The piccys don't show, mlk.

Hey mlk...I just looked at your account #3Â* (but didn't post in it...so put down the cat-o-nine tails, grandma) and I have to ask, mlk, "Whatdahellyoo dooin'?"Â* heh...all over the place and such.


Rolo, I understand your confusion. A moderator is like a quarterback, they know a lot about the "offensive" side of the team, but not much about about the defensive side. Meaning, a quarterback, you, has great knowledge of what it is to be "offensive" but knows virtually nothing about ones who "defend". Now myself being one who use to go both ways, no wait, that didn't sound right. I meant myself being a "wide" receiver, I mean "tight" end, and also being a "catcher", uh I mean "pitcher"........ you can see why I needed three different accounts right......

Actually I thought the "quarterback" would have talks with the "coach" and know what's going on.....:P

But seriously, the 3rd account was started because I was making such hugh returns on my first two, I promised "coach" that I would do my best to get worse returns in order to make everyone else feel better. I think I'm doing pretty good at it........never let it be said I'm not a "team" player. :^

[tsptalk]

Never question the motivation of a preferred member. :D

[mlk_man]

The pics are showing up here, anybody else see them? A couple of them are pretty funny. Especially the HMO ones.....:^

[mlk_man]

tsptalk wrote:
Never question the motivation of a preferred member.Â* :D

Don't bail bonds companies have "preferred members" also.....:shock:

[Show-me]

mlk_man wrote: The pics are showing up here, anybody else see them? A couple of them are pretty funny. Especially the HMO ones.....:^No. Just the word size and boxes with red X.

[mlk_man]

Guess I'll just have to chuckle by myself.....:P

[Greg]

I hope it's Ok with MM to post this here, but the thread is called "Fun House".
The link below has 8 full-length episodes of "The Little Rascals" and other stuff that you can watch on-line for free.

http://heustess.com/episodes.htm

[Rolo]

tsptalk wrote: Never question the motivation of a preferred member. :D
AHAHAHA LOL.



I think mlkstrives tobe an International Man of Mystery.

[pyriel]

mlk_man wrote: Now myself being one who use to go both waysHmmm.... OK.... Hmmmm..... My eyes are looking at the ceiling and my mind is wondering... Hmmm.... I wonder what the ladies have to say about this?

[grandma]

pyriel wrote: Hmmm.... OK.... Hmmmm..... My eyes are looking at the ceiling and my mind is wondering... Hmmm.... I wonder what the ladies have to say about this?
I'm stillover at page 1 -waiting for this `international man of mystery' to fix his photobucket or whatever, so I can see his pictures & get a chuckle too !!!!

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/triso/Now.gif

[mlk_man]

A friend from Louisville sent this to me:

LEXINGTON, KY (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom

> drama in Lexington yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who

> should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his

> parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping

> with

> child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be

> maintained

> to the degree possible.

>

> The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more

> than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge

> then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that

> they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate

> family

> and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among

> them,

> the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who

> should have custody of him.

>

> After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare

> officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of

> Kentucky

> Wildcat football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of

> beating anyone. :shock:

[mlk_man]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily Iraq briefing.
He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as
the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks,
"How many is a brazillion?"

[Greg]

pyriel wrote: Didn't get the redneck part. Is that because cowboy is a farm boy and since he is under the sun alot that his neck turns red due to sunburn?

http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2004/278.htm

[grandma]

Greg wrote: http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2004/278.htmGreg - have you had that web site very long? You'veposted some of the pictures before, but this is the first time you shared your whole site with us! - at least, with all of us. (I guess Jack's page is yours, too???)

[Greg]

grandma wrote: You'veposted some of the pictures before, but this is the first time you shared your whole site with us! - at least, with all of us. (I guess Jack's page is yours, too???) Just don't belittle, ridicule, or scorn any of us this time around, okay? :X

[grandma]

Bump 9/21 @12:02

Bump 9/23 @22:43

..you arenow taking nonsense replies to nonsense postings pesonally...????

[pyriel]

Cute post but I think that we've killed this topic one too many and it is becoming to be not fittingfor this forum. I recommend that this topic about"redneck"be now closed. Thankfor your cooperation...

[mlk_man]

Maybe I'll try this.................:P

Blonde Texan
> > Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap
> > table. A very attractive blonde woman from Texas arrived and bet
> > twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.She
>said,
> > "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
> > completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down,
>rolled the
> > dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the
>dice came
> > to a stop she jumped up and down and
> > squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the
>dealers and
> > then picked up her
> > winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared
>at each
> > other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

>The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

:shock:

[mlk_man]

After seeing the Green Bay Packers new wide reciever hopeful, a hometown friend of Brett Favre's, I feel confident that they canturn their season around:

[TGA]

carefull now M_M, I'm a packer fan..

They might not be doing so well this year, but they have got a lot of guts....

Tom

[mlk_man]

TGA wrote: carefull now M_M, I'm a packer fan..

They might not be doing so well this year, but they have got a lot of guts....

Tom

LOL, yes they do!

I meant nothing against the Packers Tom, Brett Favre is one of my favs. This was more ofa poke at that receiver, I believe his name is Ferguson, thatFavre was none too happy with. :^

M_M

Hiyou doing thereMlk_Man,

See you'll still at it, Preferred Member...hum :^ (I heard that)

[mlk_man]

swsop wrote: Hiyou doing thereMlk_Man,

See you'll still at it, Preferred Member...hum :^ (I heard that)

Hiya Barb, how goes it stranger? Thought you fell off the side of the earth. Or at least into the bay. :P Getting lots of rain over here on the mountain, how bout your way?

Whatever you heard, it's not true. Damn paparazzi!! :l

[mlk_man]

Okay, we need a joke. This may be borderline offensive to some so I apologize in advance:

[Edit]

Sorry Mlk! Tom didn't tell me where the boaderline was at! However, the punchline was a bit old after all the [bleep] discription.

Judgement call! But, hey try again. I like jokes!

[mlk_man]

mlk_man wrote: Okay, we need a joke. This may be borderline offensive to some so I apologize in advance:

[Edit]

Sorry Mlk! Tom didn't tell me where the boaderline was at! However, the punchline was a bit old after all the [bleep] discription.

Judgement call! But, hey try again. I like jokes!



Spaf, perhaps you could PM the person before you go deleting and give them 2 hrs to "clean up" their post. This ishow long we have to "edit" posts.

I don't even remember what the joke was.................:(

[mlk_man]

Let's try this one:

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been
having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in
front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do
not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all
gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the
bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he
can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home,
rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He
puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed,
and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom
and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first
time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes
back into the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him
standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife.
She's not my wife."

His funeral services will be held on Monday.

[smine]

http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&so (http://www.msn.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=382219626&m=1652&rr=y&so)

Very funny without offending anyone! It's been making the rounds here; very funny. BTW, that L fund has left me with a nice gain Monday and a gradual loss all week to put me back to 0 gain for this week. Maybe need to reevaluate.

[mlk_man]

:l

[mlk_man]

Since we are getting in the holiday season mood, have a Happy Redneck Xmas all!!

[smine]

That's gross (although I had to have someone here finally point it out to me!! She got it right off, coming from hunting relatives). Whatcha talking about rednecks for anyhow? This here's the south and we gottcher redneck pictures of nearly everything.....will send Alabama Wedding to you! It's a riot!!

[mlk_man]

There'll probably be a couple strung up out back when I go to my parents for Thanksgiving. :^

[bkrownd]

Don't remind me...one of my father's sisters married a hunter, so every Thxgiving we all get to experience the joy of watching bags of dead birds on their way to the gutting slab the day before the turkey goes on the table. :U More cranberry relish please, but hold the turkey.

[grandma]

I don't think I'd want the heat of the Christmas lights hanging 'round the carcas!! I'll bet there were alot of pioneers in the midwest that would have liked to have had a tree to hang their bounty from !!!

[The_Technician]

I'm gonna string one up this weekend....

Hmmm, do I get the feeling someone can't stand going out in the woods this day and time.....to get some deer??? Sometimes I think people have been pampered too much.....and turned into wooses....

:dude:

[mlk_man]

Most people today don't even butcher there own deer.

I'm a much better hunter with my car..............:shock:

[grandma]

mlk_man wrote: Most people today don't even butcher there own deer.

I'm a much better hunter with my car..............:shock:

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y106/triso/lauhingonfloor.gif ....fortunately i've never had the misfortune of connecting with a deerleaping across the road - did manage to get stopped the one time it occurred.

Dressing your own meat takes time, wisdom and knowledge - we use the middle-man for such as this. I hated having to try to do the chickens in when working in summer harvest farms in eastern Washingtonas a teenager, but later in life I was glad to know how!!!

[mlk_man]

Funny Picture -- You think you're having a Bad Day?




http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bad-day.jpg

[mlk_man]

[mlk_man]

And of course it wouldn't be Christmas without the official "White Trash Xmas" song.................:^

http://www.irbykennedy.com/WhiteTrashXmas.html

[Spaf]

M_M,
On your 11:51 post, all I see are boxes with red "x"s?Whats up?Spaf

[grandma]

Spaf wrote: M_M,
On your 11:51 post, all I see are boxes with red "x"s?Whats up?SpafI am not even getting the redxboxes - just empty spaces, lined off - try again!

[mlk_man]

Try this:

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon6.jpg
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon5.jpg
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon4.gif
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon3.gif
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon2.jpg
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon1.jpg


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon7.jpg


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon8.jpg


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon9.jpg


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Toon10.jpg

[mlk_man]

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.

[mlk_man]

THe way this day is shaping up, I think we need a joke:

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
> > > "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots,
> > > but they only know how to say one thing."
> > > "What do they say?" the priest asks. They say,"Hi, we're
> > > hookers--do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!"
> > > the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
> > > "You know, I have two male talking parrots that I have
> > > taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your parrots
> > > over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with
> > > Francis and Job. They can teach your parrots to praise
> > > and worship, and they will be sure to stop saying that
> > > phrase in no time." "Thank you, "the woman said, "this
> > > may be the solution. "The next day, she brought her
> > > female parrots to the priest's hou se. As he ushered her
> > > in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their
> > > cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed,
> > > she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
> > > After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in
> > > unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
> > > There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot
> > > looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put
> > > the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"

[mlk_man]

A woman wakes up on Feb. 14th and tells her husband, "I just dreamed that
you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentines Day. What do you think it
means??"

"You'll know tonight" he says.

That evening, the man comes home with a small package and gives it to his
wife.

Delighted, she opens it and finds..

.. a book titled "The Meaning of Dreams"

[mlk_man]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She
> >>> >>was admired
> >>> >> > for
> >>> >> > > her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor
> >>> >>came to call
> >>> >> > on
> >>> >> > > her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She
> >>> >>invited him to
> >>> >> > have
> >>> >> > > a seat while she prepared tea.
> >>> >> > >
> >>> >> > > As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister
> >>> >>noticed a
> >>> >> > > cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled
with
> >>> >>water, and
> >>> >> > in
> >>> >> > > the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she
returned
> >>> >>with tea
> >>> >>and
> >>> >> > > scones,
> >>>they began to chat.
> >>> >> > >
> >>> >> > > The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of
> >>> >>water and its
> >>> >> > > strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he
> >>> >>could no
> >>> >>longer
> >>> >> > > resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would
tell
> >>> >>me about
> >>> >> > > this?" pointing to the bowl.
> >>> >> > >
> >>> >> > > "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking
> >>> >>through the
> >>> >> > Park
> >>> >> > > a few months ago and I found this little package on the
> >>> >>ground. The
> >>> >> > > directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and
that
> >>> >>it would
> >>> >> > > prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had
the
> >>> >>flu all
> >>> >> >
> >>> > winter?"

[mlk_man]

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be
a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set-square, a slide rule, and a
calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney-General John
Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y'and
refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a
common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every
country. As the Greek philanderer, Isosceles, used to say, 'There are 3
sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given
us more fingers and toes".

[MacDaddy]

I hope you don't mind me putting these here??

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique - just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.



9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.



12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[mlk_man]

Ha, some good ones!!

[mlk_man]

http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/iraq_election.gif

[mlk_man]

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone.

Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind

[mlk_man]

A Durango cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processedand the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected excel spread sheet with e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150 page report on his Hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy andsays, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,"says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party." says the cowboy." Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a damn thing about cows........ Now giveme back my dog."

[mlk_man]

U.S. Senator Unhurt in Air Crash

The Associated Press reports that New York junior Senator Hillary Clinton, narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft that she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern New Jersey because of bad weather.

National Transportation Safety Board officials have issued a preliminary determination that pilot error contributed to the accident, and that the senator was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR [instrument flight rating] conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs taken at the scene show the extent of damage to Senator Clinton's aircraft. She was very lucky.










http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Crash.jpg
(http://us.f537.mail.yahoo.com/ym/us/ShowLetter?box=Inbox&MsgId=2769_35279295_1014334_2210_45122_0_151041_60 709_1494905273&bodyPart=2&YY=47005&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0)

[mlk_man]

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning,
and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone
knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job a few years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and talk smart with
his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like
me and hints that I may be inclined the 'other' way.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore.
You're a United States senator from New York. Act like it!

[ayla]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher
(whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle) the doctor
and the old man struck up a conversation about George W. Bush
being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a fence post turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fence
post turtle was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and
you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a
fence post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued
to explain, "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't
belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you
just want to help the dumb b*st*rd get down!!

[mlk_man]

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Smileys%20Animated/LAUGHT119.gif

[dell]

These are all great !!!! Thanks for sharing.

Dell

[mlk_man]

An atom walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink.

He looks very dejected because he has received unrelenting insults all
day and he has has all he can take. The bartender notices his demeanor
and asks "Hey there friend, what up with you? You seem awfully down"

The atom replies "I had such a bad day and to top it all off, I lost an
electron!"

The bartender asks him "wow that's really rough--losing an electron.
Are you sure you can't find your electron anywhere?"

"I'm positive."

[nnuut]

Yes Sir,

[mlk_man]

http://www.dedge.com/flash/hangman/

Have fun!

[mlk_man]

Here is the traditional collegiate football quiz to begin the season. Even though you may know most of the answers, it is still fun to reminisce the halcyon days of yore.

1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? .........Drool.

(2) What do you get when you put thirty-two Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? .........A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room? .........Grease her hips and push.

(4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch? .........Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend? ........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum? .........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) How many Florida Freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? .........None -- that's a sophomore course.

(8) Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco? ........Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)

(9) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? .........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week

[mlk_man]

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Dog For Sale"

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. Since no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired,"

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars"

The guy says, "this dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that."

[Scout333]

Married Couple in Boudreaux,LA

An elderly couple had been married over 60 years and fought bitterly the last 50. The wife told her husband she couldn't wait for him to pass on so she could find her a young replacement. The old codger told everyone he would just dig his way out and come back to haunt her. At 91 he finally passed away and the night he was buried his wife was found in the local bar flirting with all the young men. Her neighbor asked her if she wasn't afraid her husband would be true to his word and dig his way out and come after her.
She told him she wasn't worried. Let him dig, she said, I buried him upside down!

[mlk_man]

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2007:

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for
classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to
people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly
like them! Besides, I already know what the captain
of the football team is doing these days -- mowing
my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you
out a window unless you're a seagull. People are
acting all shocked that a human finger was found in
a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a
dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have
sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently
damaged. I have a better d escription for these
kids: "Lucky bastards."
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still
collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a
kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If
you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do
you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the
supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice
and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is
introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square,
with a bigger label. And the top is now the
bottom. And by the time gran dpa figures out how to
open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social
Security crisis .

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order,
the bigger the *******. If you walk into a
Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread
cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one
Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a
huge *******.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look
up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number,
pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding,
no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter"
again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up
is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese
characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's
right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time
you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God
you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're
just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's
one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently
televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating,
because watching those athletes at the poker table
was just too damned exciting. What's next,
competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already
doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm
extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making
movies based on crappy, old television shows, then
you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote
so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television
show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good
enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it
used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies
and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking
out the stuff you want and having other people buy
it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people
version of looting.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more
bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is
offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex
with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's
supposed to be there, or just some freak with a
fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I
don't need to hear "27 months." "He's two" will do
just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really
care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult
and want a job that pays better than minimum wage,
then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every
available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your
future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"

[mlk_man]

Sounds good to me!

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/BuffaloTheory.jpg

[Rod]

"Reviving" for adsense???

;)

[mlk_man]

Yeah that's what I'm doing. I think I'll go start 10 new threads like some others are doing. :D

[SkiUtah]

So where is the beer ad? I don't need no penny stocks, I got me the G Fund....this ad sense is turning into non-cents,

[Rod]

Yeah that's what I'm doing. I think I'll go start 10 new threads like some others are doing. :D

Hey, I don't blame you!:D

If you can make a few extra pennies... why the heck not!:cool:

[Rod]

So where is the beer ad? I don't need no penny stocks, I got me the G Fund....this ad sense is turning into non-cents,

If you talk beer beer beer, it will appear!!!

[Rod]

Here's a good thread title:

"Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your AdSense Here"

:D

[tsptalk]

Sounds good to me!
Please try to reduce those images sizes when possible...
http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/showthread.php?t=3956

Thanks

http://picasa.google.com/

[mlk_man]

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/BuffaloTheory2.jpg



Please try to reduce those images sizes when possible...
http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/showthread.php?t=3956

Thanks

http://picasa.google.com/

[mlk_man]

You have to squint reeeeeaaaalllllll hard..........................:D

[SkiUtah]

$2.99

[tsptalk]

Much better :)
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/BuffaloTheory2.jpg

[mlk_man]

Employee of the Month - Think I spoke to this guy once or twice!!

http://www.tsptalk.com/mb/cid:003d01c74aff$fe67cd40$68e8bc48@your4dacd0ea75

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have
passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass
it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the
words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
"Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green,
and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call
center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him.


http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y216/mlk_man/Mujibar.jpg

[mlk_man]

I think I'll try that last one...........:D


Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
Boyfriend along shopping . This letter was (apparently) recently sent
by an unnamed supermarket's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by
our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna
look" Using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Store Manager

[mlk_man]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral"

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(you're gonna love this)


(its a real treat)


(a masterpiece)


(wait for it)





The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

[CountryBoy]

Yep Milk,

Ya caught me humming that last one. :D

CB

[mlk_man]

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go any where, you have to light a fire under their butt
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

[GGal]

This is the funniest thing I've read lately.

GA

[Rod]

closed